On the one hand, I have never felt the same when I am alone as when I am with him. Everything feels right. And not only that, but we have the same goals in life.
On the other hand, there were little things that really bothered me about him. He never wanted to do anything (maybe because we didn't have much money- may be improved once he starts his lucrative career), he made me feel bad when I wore heels (he's only 3 inches taller than me, but he denied this when we were argueing a few months ago), he never showered (he didn't smell except once or twice, and since I told him this he may do better), sex was on his terms, when he wanted it, and sometimes he just rolled over, went at it and that was it (this happened when we were just sleeping together, when we were in a relationship sometimes he would please me and beforehand I would tell him I was to tired to do anything else and he would be ok with this), he didn't like my cooking (i'm working on it).
Ever since my college friend told me he has a gf (he blocked me on fbook because he was afraid I'd post something on his wall and get him in trouble with his non-gf at the time) I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. For awhile I was over him, then for the past few days I want him back. Or at least work on it when things were more ideal- in the same city. I don't know how long they have been together but, quick run down:
I was pissed at him when he just didn't show and had memorized his number (because I didn't want to) so I kept texting him being a bitch (I know, real mature, but I didn't care anymore). He told me about a week after he just didn't show up that he had already met someone new. This I can only assume is the same girl as above.
Well, a little over a month after he just didn't show up we started talking and somehow we decided that he would come down when he could because I was the best sex he'd ever had. He still wanted to do this even after I told him he had a small smelly dick (the truth, the smelly part only once or twice) and that he was not the best I'd ever had, that someone who was on chemo at the time because of stage 4 lymphoma was the best I'd ever had (the full truth is that for the first time the chemo guy was the best (long story, but he beat his cancer which is the most important thing), but that Sam knows me best). So I must really be pretty good.
Anyway, so I demanded he wear a condom this time (which he hates, he actually loses it when he wears them), he finally agreed, which surprised me, because I thought this would be a way to get him to be exclusive. I finally said I couldn't do this. I still had feelings for him and everytime I saw a condom on him I would get upset knowing he had someone else at school. We had it out again and that was the last time we were on good terms.
The point is, is that he was willing to come down (a 5 hour drive in a car that gets less than 10mpg) when I think he had a gf., but I don't know for sure so I'm looking past that part. Sex is very important to him. He gets strong feelings for people when he has sex with them. He loves to cuddle after sex. And this is actually when he told me he was still in love with me (I probably should have known he was lying at this point). So this is another reason I've gone and convinced myself that he still wants to be with me.
I know what I would tell myself at this point. Ignore him. He's an asshole. There are plenty more fish in the sea. You will find someone new! You are a great girl!
So much easier said that done!
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