So I'm not sure if I've described in full why I really do need someone to help me when I go to IKEA. I had a very minor surgery today, so minor I drove myself home. Basically I inherited my father's skin. I have a lot of moles. I began seeing a dermatologist about them over the summer and she immediately took 3 for biopsy, and 2 more later. So far 2 have come back as pre cancerous, and 1 re-pigmented, which means I have had 3 minor surgeries to get more tissue removed. I had my third today. I can do everything I set my mind to, except doing anything that may stretch that area of my body (my stomach) (this means no crazy wild sex, no exercise, no bull riding, and no lifting).
So, when I go to IKEA, someone will be needed to put some things in my car (honestly I wouldn't be able to list some things at my best). This is where Sam comes in. I will play the damsel in distress and make him feel all manly. Because every guy wants to feel manly (especially him, he's kinda short (a little taller than me, the height I really do like), and he has no hair on his chest (I love it, he has a very strong chest too).
Anyway, so I have been thinking a lot lately about why I want him back. I mean he broke up with me the first time 2 days before I began student teaching. He told me he was going to make love to me in his car up at the Jackson county airport that overlooks WCU (very romantic, esp for him). He tried to have sex with me before we went to Zaxby's but I refused (explaining this would be way TMI). When I got in there was a towel in the front seat, he told me he didn't remember why it was there, he and his butt buddy had been drunk driving too much recently. In his defense his butt buddy drove drunk that night. I had lost 2 friends to a drunk driver, they were driving home one night and were rear ended and run off the road by a drunk driver who left them for dead thinking they would be ok in a car wrapped around a tree and towed away in 3 pieces. He knew this, I had a photo of them hanging over my bed, my guardian angels. Just over the past year have I finally been able to pack away all of their stuff. He knew all this. He still did it, he still made a joke about it, he still thought I overreacted when I sat in silence to cool off, and then screamed at him when he persisted. When we got home he broke up with me. That began a series of bad events, none of which either of us could have foreseen.
Then, he told me he was still in love with me, while he was in a pseudo relationship with another crazy spoiled bitch girl. He took it back, a week later, plenty of time for me to let myself finally fall in love with him. I demanded he break up with her. He told me he would, twice, told me he was afraid he lost me, didn't want to lose me, never broke it off with her for a month. I finally gave up, and told her, then her best friend. She broke up with him for cheating (they were not in a relationship according to facebook, they were not in a real relationship, it was not cheating! you want to be exclusive, you demand a title). He told me he would come down to make everything ok, I just had to apologize to her and her friends (I was a bit of a bitch, esp in the message to her friends). Didn't hear from him for 2 days. Then when I was expecting him, while I was at work, I finally got ahold of him, he called me a dumb bitch and hung up.
To get back at him the second time i did sent numerous texts to him telling he had a tiny stinky dick and he wasn't the best I'd ever had (not the entire truth, I have sense told him the entire truth, that he doesn't have as much experience as someone else, but that he knows the details of what I like better than the other guy).
Well, after everything he has done to me, when things are good, I think of everything he does for me.
My explanations:
The first time, I had just moved an hour away (still should have been able to make it), but we had begun fighting.
The second time, I had gone crazy. He shouldn't have done what he did, but I did over react a little, not much. I was under a lot of stress, and he doesn't know that I don't deal well with my own stress, that's why I worry about other people more than myself. And i had no outlet.
Things that need to change to make it good again:
Distance is number 1. He is way to physical to do a long distance relationship. Although he has said that if he got sex with me it would be worth the distance from Charlotte to Raleigh. He has a job offer in Charlotte, a great job offer. And I love Charlotte, I would be more than willing to move there once my lease is up here.
Money is another. I know how this sounds. Basically, when we were together we never went out, anywhere. And when we went to fast food he wouldn't eat anything. I have realized why, it was the money, not being frugal. He had no money when we were together, and what little he had was spent on gas, and buying his brother food when he began losing weight. But after his job over the summer he has saved up some money. And now he takes Amanda out on dates, periodically.
The romance would have to increase, which I believe is related to money. But he thinks money is necessary. He needs to learn that you can be romantic without money, and that this is the best romance. Just a little thing from the dollar tree that makes him think of me is so much better than an expensive bracelet. Both would be even better!
He would have to get over his insecurities, or at least a little. I love wearing heels. When I do I am almost his height. I won't wear them daily, I will do my best to keep them short. But every time I did in the past he gave me hell. I bitched at him about it recently, like since last fall, and he didn't know what I was talking about. Maybe he realized how much it hurt me.
There is more, that I can't think of. But no one is perfect.
He has to be able to talk things out. You can't solve problems without talking it out. And it is ok to fight. His parents fought all the time and his mom has been in and out of the house. He needs to realize that couples do fight, and a periodic fight is ok.
His attire will have to change. It's great, for his age. But it will have to change.
I feel as though we really are perfect for each other:
When we are physically together, everything is perfect. The entire world is ok. Nothing bad can happen. Anything that does happen I can overcome. He has said the same.
We have the same goals in life. A comfortable life. The stereotypical American dream.
We have the same taste. We both like quality, pretty much no matter the cost. We like the same houses.
We get along when we are together. We have only fought (except for once after fighting for 2 weeks) when we were apart.
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